Today was good but not very productive. Spent most of it being hungry and I laid some ground work for some projects but didn’t actually do anything because I felt my attention span fighting me from so early.
Wasted a lot of time being hungry and thinking about what to eat. Could save a lot of time had I just decided on something quicker. Lol
I did manage to lay the verse I wrote yesterday. So kudos to that. Went fairly smooth can’t complain.. The feeling to return to the music creeping up on me and that’s good.
Boy life is really a balancing act that I never seem to fully catch up on, but each day is a journey and a learning experience and thankfully I’m enjoying it thus far.
It’s always a pleasure to do some thinking. You know find that sweet spot where you can zone out. Not in a stressed way but in a organic natural way.
This evening I was just sitting in the heat of my home feeling pretty beat and miserable. Lost in some associated miserable thoughts, one passed “man it would be nice to be outside”… Instantly I remembered that I have a balcony outside my room door that I often overlook and only use with guests. I decided to change that and I took my laptop and sat outside.
The air was cool and most considering the stuffy box that is my house. I instantly felt more relaxed… I sent off one email and sat and just found myself thinking. Pondering on just life and the various things I’m up to.
I hadn’t written any raps in a real long time.. I probably wrote only two around February. I had put a break on my music for multiple reasons the most important of that being school. Done school now, I found myself dancing around writing verses as much as I longed for it.
My attempt before tonight’s endeavour ended miserably with a nasty case of writers block and I tried daily in free time to freestyle a few bars hoping I’d stumble on a line or something to just break it. After a few months of trying I was next to giving up on said song.
Tonight with my schedule free for the night and a relaxed mind I decided to try my hand at my old love.
I loaded up the beat and the first few attempts were rocky but it wasn’t long till I found a familiar groove that I missed so much. For maybe 30 mins with a few breaks in between I took my time and penned a pretty honest verse. My first attempt a while was to try and get a hype braggadocious veese which wasn’t happening… So this time I took the thoughts previously circling my brain and just layed them out.
I really just said what was on my mind this time not really worrying much about how people would receive the message as it could be a lesser favoured opinion. But it felt really good to be in a place where I felt comfortable saying something true and how I feel.
It’s not as deep as I’m making it sound but I’m really just talking about the feeling of self expression that I just reclaimed liberty with tonight. And it felt good.
Finishing the verse spent some more time reading a few stuff, and I’m giving thanks for the zen I was blessed with this evening just by going outside.
Mommy’s birthday.. Spent most the day working in office with a client. Took mom to watch think like a man two in the evening.
Was funnier but not funnier than the first. Movie was pretty short for having to pay a thousand dollars lol.
Got very verbal at one point in the day. Feeling a bit ashamed but… Don’t even know what to do.
Would still call it a good day regardless. Feeling quite drained. And my fan is blowing hot air lol.
Before I forget how good my birthday was yesterday imma get it down real quick.
My day started off pretty normal with me making just watching some world cup football matches.. I believe I was watching Australia vs Netherlands score ending at 2-3 if memory serves.
Kai who shares my birthday with me came over near the end of the match to cook me some pancakes. Lol yeah I love pancakes. I’m by my dad tho so she suggests we Go by my mom since her kitchen may be stocked with more spices and stuff. Didn’t need to argue with that logic so I called mom and took a shower and left with Kai.
I reach there with Kai. Me her and my mom (bun grammar I’m rushing) are in the kitchen looking up pancake recipes.. A car pulls up outside and I see my bredrin Karl, Swiss and Livi come out.. At this point my wtf mode activate. I’m looking at my mom and she’s grinning off hell so is Kai. I feel like a chump.
Swiss livi and Karl are inside the house and Swiss hands me this dope multi cheese cake sampler thing which I need to take a picture of before it done lol.
So everyone is laughing at me..and then Stephie emerges from my room and I’m feeling increasingly chump like as time passes.I hate everyone. I get moved to the veranda where I get surprised with something I wasn’t really expected and spazzed for like a solid minute.
They ordered like four medium pizzas from dominoes (half with coupons Lol). I only took from one because I hate pineapple pizza and I don’t eat pork so there was a nice barbecue chicken pizza which I was vibing with. While mom provided some fruit juice.
We continued chatting and running jokes till about 4 then we all dispersed Kai coming with me back to my dad’s where we watched modern family. which is pretty funny for a few hours till about seven.
Kai leaves to go get ready to link with her girls to go medusa bar and I’m getting ready to head with my nigga to the same place . I intended to wear a flannel plaid but it was just too goddamn hot and wore a t shirt instead.
At about 8:30 Karl reaches with joelle and Swiss and we head over to medusas. When I reached Keli who also shares a birthday with me was ahead of me in the line. Good amount of my choice friends made it out. Saw squeezaz who otherwise bun out road, mumba and Kangwa ,Cooper and others came later like chauntae and Kevin and Stephie and livi reach too… I’m rambling lol
Kai reaches with her girls at like 10:30.. Late like. We take a round of tequila shots in a huge thing that looks like a test tube. I eventually get drawn out into another shot later down in the evening.
Medusa was a good vibe and it ending now. Funny stuff. Stephie frass ish and a chat foolishness I’m kinda tipsy so is Swiss and Aundre. But we have to leave to head over to taboo.
Karl drives the crew over to taboo and we head inside. The music was mad good and I got in free because it was my birthday Kai and her girls stopped at bk before taboo but they eventually arrived. Me and Kai raved for most of it and caught piece of the bikini boxing fight inside. By about 3pm everyone is pretty much tired and we head on out. And Karl drops me home.
Yeah… Dad gave me this neat cologne that looks like a dumbbell.. Grandma gave me fruitcake. Spain lost against Chile… Sigh.
But shit was the best birthday in like a whole long time… Years.
Just had to jot it down so later down the lifetime I can come back and read this.just had to.
Thanks to everyone who helped make it happen I really felt appreciated and special yo. It was really really good.
I decided to make this post after the day in question so ad not to disturb the days runnings already.
Fathers day is so much more subdued than mother’s day.. Like mother’s day’s gravity totally crushes fathers day. At least in Kingston Jamaica.
Not much more to say outside the obvious . a seemingly more awkward day for some… Loss of a father or more conmonly the father figure just not being present for whatever reason leaves a sting in many more than people would like to admit.
Not here for the negatives but the positive possibilities. The generation today though seemingly more enslaved to the media than any prior has a trump card. The presence of the internet and social networking is a factor that was absent from the previous generation. Certain decisions like vanishing from an unexpected childs life was a decision that could be made in a vacuum.. In private where no one would see hear of be able to offer a word..
We now live in a far more connected time. A far more liberal time. A far more dynamic time. The reasons for absentee fathers before seem weakened these days despite the economic crisis overhead. Adolescents are moving out younger starting businesses younger getting married younger and having kids at a pretty young age.
My real hope is that this new generation has a first hand experience of the pain of missing out on a parent. And would never want to repeat said mistake in the lives of their own children. It is because of our shared experience why I can hope that this generation can seek to improve where our elders failed.
Boy I really sit fully charged with the intentions to write full detailed blog posts and I start…then I stop. Then I never come back… Then there’s a half written blog post in my Google keep that I never post even if it is a good (half) idea. Part of my personality for a long time is that I don’t always finish things that I start. Jus how I stay I’d like to continue pretending I don’t but my attention span flutters like a moth. So though it sounds lazy initially to post an unfinished post it’s a tactic that I hope will
1. Inspire me to change because I am now exposing my shortcomings in public
2. A creative way to show s true aspect of myself and hopefully a documentation of positive evolution.
“I IS GOD" (2013) - Matthew McCarthy
Jamaica’s romantic affair with the murder trial of Adidjah Palmer aka Vybz Kartel (affectionately known as “Di teacha”) may soon be coming to a forced end.
With it being the talk of the town, it’s hard to not lay a few views on the matter. Some would argue there are more important issues to be addressed in the Jamaican hemisphere, but the same issues that are contested to be addressed also fuel the societal issues that may come from the discourse about this trial.
In 2011, Adidjah Palmer was convicted of murder of a Clive Williams. And in March 2014 has been deemed guilty by the court of law.
Before and since the verdict I’ve heard many an angle and opinion about what Vybz Kartel is and “wha’ dem fi do wid ‘im" and so on and so forth.
Since this is my blog, I should at least state my opinion on what I think… Personally I do believe that Adidjah Palmer is guilty on some parts of the act he has been accused of, based on the evidence that has been shared or exposed to the wider public.
There are many other things I believe in tandem to that opinion I do believe any and every individual is entitled to a fair trial, and that trail should be exclusively about what the person in question is being accused of.
This morning’s breakfast. One of my favourite fruits… Papaya!
Although - when I sliced it open it was short a few seeds.
As usual another post about my views on things in life.
So let’s get right to the meat of the matter.
"I love Money!"
A statement i’m sure a lot of ethical and moralist folk shudder to hear spoken.
True. Our society tries to overtly make it frowned upon to shamelessly like and or love money. (Here begin’s a Jamaican social space) We are taught to love family, friends, and working hard, and the love of money is the love of evil! Grr!!
I agree with the notion. What society is trying to say is to stay away from materialism and greed. Often times the love or desire of money is a very, very similar road to the path of greed, so it’s understandable.
I wouldn’t like you the reader to believe that right now I’m trying to really justify the love for a materialistic object such as money, No- that’s just a bit for the sensationalism of the story.
I don’t “love money” per se, but I love what money can do
(quick disclaimer: I know it shouldn’t be this way, but capitalism.. that’s a whole ‘nother argument)
Within society these days, it’s truly a case of ‘who feels it knows it’, anyone in Jamaica, who experience a day when dem wallet dry like dry scalp KNOWS how important even having two hundred dollars is.
Life has kind de-evolved into a situation where just existing is costly in itself, eating breakfast. Getting to point A to point B, a drink of water.. Money is like the key to life.
What are you saying Yannick? what you really ah seh?
What i’m trying to highlight is how a system has been created where money is needed in all aspects, Day to Day necessities, Leisure, Business, Health etc.. etc.. (a fucked up system don’t)
Yet it has somehow become a situation within the middle class society where it’s as if we’re supposed to be afraid to demand, want, or to have money. There’s these nervous laughs in a room when it comes to the monetary aspect about things and everyone is supposed to act like it’s cool. “haha, yeah man money a di least you nuh haha…” And you know you cyaa even buy yourself a nice lunch too tough without wincing.
It’s really unfortunate that we’ve married a desire to have financial gain and security to a primitive form of selfishness and greed. So that us middle class folk with pressures creating a lump in our throats feel ashamed to ask or demand for the correct amount of money or be viewed as “Mean”, “Wicked”, “Selfish” or lines like “‘Ow yah gwaan suh?”
It’s a psychology built to keep the poor, poor and the rich rich. Just something I thought was worth thinking about enuh. Is like a big undercover ploy they (whoever they is) used to create mental disharmony to interrupt our life goals and functions.
I make a system where you need money… but you shouldn’t want Money.
Makes a lot of sense. (get it? lol..sigh)
Sometimes you know you try fight your body? Like your mind says you going stay up all night and do work? And in your heart of hearts you mean it enuh!
But you drop asleep anyway.
Things like that just a tell me repeatedly that you just need to be real with yourself lol. Know your strengths and weaknesses, because trying to place will power won’t work will be a waste of time and effort. Lol sigh.
Intention ain’t enough all the ti-zzz……..